Log Cabin Chronicles


When working in office environment, it is important for survival to understand what is really being communicated. This guide to Bidnesspeak may help!

Employer's Lingo: what they say and what they mean

  • "COMPETITIVE SALARY" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

  • "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM" We have no time to train you.

  • "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

  • "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

  • "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" Some time each night and some time each weekend.

  • "DUTIES WILL VARY" Anyone in the office can boss you around.

  • "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" We have no quality control.

  • "CAREER-MINDED" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

  • "APPLY IN PERSON" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

  • "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

  • "SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

  • "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

  • "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

  • "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
Employee's Lingo: More of the above from the other side of the paycheck:

  • "I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE" I pilfer office supplies.

  • "MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES" I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

  • "I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK" I blame others for my mistakes.

  • "I'M PERSONABLE" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

    "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL" I carry a Day-Timer.

  • "I AM ADAPTABLE" I've changed jobs a lot.

  • "I AM ON THE GO" I'm never at my desk.

  • "I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED" The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.

Robert Gervais teaches Bidnessman stuff in Montreal.

Home | Stories | Opinion

Copyright © 1999 Robert Gervais/Log Cabin Chronicles/1999